A year ago

A year ago I was a different person. 

A year ago I was happy, content and successfull.

You might think that today I have lost all of that, but on the contrary. A year ago I had a false understanding of what happiness is, a year ago I was sad but I faked being happy. You know sometimes you lie, and with the progress of that lie you yourself start believing it. 

A year ago, I met someone. 

At first, I believed that that someone was a normal human being just someone random who I came across, but time passed by and I understood things clearly.

Some people have a certain effect, they are so full of light that they open your eyes, show you a world that you didn’t know it existed. They clear the darkness and take away all of the fake lies. This person was and still is so different. She taught me things, she showed me what matters in life, I watched her as she defended her beliefs as she stood tall against the opressive and as she went for what she believed in.

A year ago, I was blind, I didn’t notice the opressed and I believed as long as I am far away from the incident then I am in the clear and that I am happy. 

Life is more than this, life is more than me and you. Life is about the humans, the people and the environment. I look at her and how she shows love to every single cat or dog on the street, and I wonder how can a person be so pure on the inside. That unconditional love for people and animals that are unaware of her existance, how does she do it and how can she go on.

As time progressed by her side, I can see now that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you want to be, what matters is that you stand up for what you believe in. No one likes to admit that they weren’t a good person, I was a good guy but now I am better, now I am with someone who knows how to love.

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What have we become

It is the end I say

this is the long lasting await

has it all been a shaken reality

that has been mastered over our faces

Do we believe in what we have believed in

Where did all the love displace to

Since ever and there and since the days

must we speak of those days and we must

Did we foretell the lost ones of our muse

have we shared our anxious hearts and care

Did we crave what must have been craved?

Was it all a sign of a smaller town inside our minds

Awaken we rise towards an unexplained territory

and yet we shall fight this illusion and humiliation

we were once there and yet we remain there

How did we spindle inside those crossroads

and why did we diffuse within our own melting lurks

I must confess and we must tell

those withering lives and those of our own

they missed the carved on top glory

they walked right past the shrines and they passed

Have we pointed the darkness at thee

We must have been awake or else

I fail to recall the event and I fail

We are not what we have become.

 

We are different, in a beautiful way different

We forcibly deny ourselves and allow thee

devoted and anxious, slick and dull

we move towards a new day .

Faster Multiplications

This post may seem out of the ordinary with respect to the genre of posts that I usually post. However, at 10 am in the morning I looked at my colleague and I asked him about what I should write and his reply was maths. So here it goes.

So let’s consider multiplying a single digit number by 11. This is quite easy you just type that digit twice.

ex: 8 *11 = 88

Now let’s take a two digit number denoted by xy and multiply it by 11. First step is take the number present in the ones field and place it in the result one’s field. After that, take the number present in the tens field and put it in the hundreds field in the result. The third step is easy, add the two numbers x and y and place that digit in between the previously two digits or basically in the tens position in the result number.

Here’s an example to simply things:

34 * 11 =

3  (3+4)   4

-> 374

Another example:

26 * 11 =

286

Now, supposedly the addition of the two numbers x and y turned out to be larger than 9, we place the one’s number of the addition process in the field of the tens and the tens number from the addition process we add it to the hundreds position in the result. Here is an example to clarify things:

47 * 11

–> 4   (4+7)   7

–> 4   (11)   7

–>  (4+1)    1   7

–>  517

Another example:

58 * 11

–> 638

Now, let’s suppose we are multiplying any two digit number by a single digit number, now this is not a fast multiplication kinda procedure, however I just use it because it makes multiplying faster for me, I am not sure it could work for everyone.

First of all, there are two methods the first let’s call it the (multiply-add) and the second one let’s denote it by (multiply-subtract). When the two digit number has a ones digit lower that 5 we use the multiply-add, and when the number is above 5 we use the multiply-subtract.

Multiply-add, let’s say we have 23 *4.

First of all 3 is below 5, thus we neglect it and consider the number as 20.

Now 20*4=80 (this is simple). We still have that 3, we multiply it by 4 we get 12.

Final step: 80+12= 92.

Basically, we changed the number to become one that has a zero in the ones digit and then we added the number neglected multiplied by our factor.

Multiply-subtract, let’s say we have 29 *8.

The number is above 5, its a 9, so we add 1 in order to make it a 10.

Therefore: 29+1 = 30.

now 30*8 = 240(this is simple), now we multiply the number added, by 8 and subtract it from the whole.

1*8 = 8, therefore the answer is 240-8=232.

Now, I hope that I have helped somehow even though I am not pretty sure fast multiplication is quite used these days.

Have a good day.

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The other girl

Inside the perpetual abyss of molten lust

we fall craved amongst the abandoned mist

we desire after we conquer our minds

as we must enter the solemn needs

they inject inside our souls sudden rushes

of mistaken identities and rampaging fallacies

they increment at the top of our worlds

dancing, fantasizing without our consent

how dazed do we crave thee

as imprisoned captives mending sadness

smiles and lurking eyes all for favor

of the innocent and most fragile need

the other girl stands at the hallway

heels tall and minds inside clouds of dust

we enter their world and we walk right in

they’ve shaped the rooms and they’ve crafted our minds

we linger as we fade

how pretentious we’ve seemed

under yellow lights dimmed and weak

we stall afraid

and we rise dividing minds

screaming falsified truths

until crawling we appear

inside her reflecting sunrise smile

we dance beneath the shadows and the lights

we dance and we fall again

 

Let them leave

We have all been through that moment in life when we get attached to certain people and to their souls. We fall victim of our own weaknesses which find a cure or a resort in other people. After knowing certain people and allowing them into our lives, we let go and we lose control. We resort to them for the slightest problem and we demand their entire and absolute devotion. But what we fail to realize at that certain moment is that all of this is temporarily even after the happily ever after, those people can simply die and depart our lives. I look around when I am walking down the streets and I look at all the happy couples, and I admire their emotions and devotions. The way he holds her and the way she smiles as he holds her, I’ve seen it all and lived it all. Its very beautiful. But what happens when something goes wrong? Hell gates open upon a person’s soul, they lose control and become insecure. I’ve seen people beg other people to linger, just to remain there, and just to save them from the agony inside of their minds.
I’ve seen people destroy other people, just walk all over them and use them in order to attain what they crave.

In this life or another, there remains different kinds of people, and all with different personalities. Its not a shame that a person falls for another, because basically that’s what makes life simply better and happier. I am one who mostly believes in love and all of that and I am a desperate romance if you think about it. But I just really hate it when people go blindly into love and pause their lives while they await for others to save them. I also do not like people who are just in with some people and the second they get the chance, they go ruining the first. Like be loyal people, its very simple if you like someone else, leave the first just do not cause much damage. I’ve known people who were so freaking hurt that they did not want to proceed with their lives and all for what? just for a simple affair that can make you feel good for an hour or two. I know how good an affair feels and how amazing the secret thing is, but this is ruining other people and basically you do not have the right to do that for others. Feel with them, put yourself in their shoes and when you do not feel that person anymore just let them go. Trust me, they wont hate you as much as if you hurt them.

On the other hand, I must confess and apologize for all the people that I have hurt in my life, I basically blame myself and not anyone else, but I believe that if I had a bit of guidance I would’ve known better that all of these people are humans with fragile hearts and screwing them over is not something to be proud of. Eventually, love is how you treat people, its not about the words or about the gifts that you bring, if you manage to save someone from being hurt then you utterly and simply love them. Hold on to love but don’t fall a victim, hold on to love but don’t hurt people. Life is pretty and nice, spread the love and enjoy it.

If you like someone tell them, don’t wait for the heavens to make that person approach you, I don’t care if you are a guy, a girl or even an old granny. Grannies out there if you like a person other than your husband, and your husband has passed away, go for it, what could go wrong. Life is all about living, don’t waste a second and don’t be an asshole.

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Insanity

I could simply be paranoid or even crazy, the hell do I know, whether I am sane or not. Honestly, how can a person judge himself if he has retained his sanity or had he lost it. The moment you get an idea, its like your own child, because that idea did not come out of the blue. On the contrary that idea rose from something, from a splinter of a perception or a realization, it was created, shaped and configured solemnly by you. Basically we are highly objective to our own ideas and thoughts, for we believe that since they are our own and since we have created them, that these ideas are absolutely correct. The problem lies when a second person comes and proves that that idea was wrong and absolute nonsense, just then we fall into a loop whole where we start questioning ourselves, and we start questioning our ideas. After several occurrences of this same event, a person contradicts himself and becomes unsure of what his mind creates or provides for him. Just then, that same person might lose his sanity, hence his ideas which were objective and very true, had fallen victim to the judgmental system of his own mind. Even those simple ideas would seem wrong and the wrong ones would seem right. Quite the irony.
After considering that a person can never tell if he is sane or not, he can never know whether he had lost his mind or he hasn’t and its quite scary. A couple of weeks ago, I read a quote that said: “Nothing is more dangerous than a man with a single idea”, now that means if a man has only a single idea and none other, he will attempt to make it happen or just flow along with the idea. That quite stuck in my mind, for I have always had this issue when a certain random idea pops up on my mind and just remains there for some days. The problem with that is no matter what I do, I can’t seem quite able to get it out of my mind or even making it go away. Had the idea be a suspicion, I’d have to prove it, had it been a bright idea, I’d attempt it and had it been a failure, I’d go down the drain with it. The thing about this is I can’t quite tell if this is insanity or just paranoia or even normal. The bad thing about all of this is that the more you think about it and try to resolve whether ideas are normal or abnormal, whether they were sane or insane, the more you dig deeper into them and into that judgmental phase. As a solution, I am trying to let them go, like just distract myself whenever I have an unwanted idea, eventually we might just get rid of them, probably suppress them in our subconscious that will come out in a later stage to haunt us down, but it will provide a temporarily solution meanwhile.

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Here we go again

Its that time of day again, that time of week again and that time of month again. It is that time when I am all clammed in my own seat, no where to go and no way to behave. It is that insanity striking my bones again, tangling every joint and eliminating any reason to breathe. It is when everything changes for it to become solemnly belonging to a single person. How does it happen? I can never tell. It is just a the way of behaving and a way of destroying a realm of peace that we are used to. How does this incorporate behind shades of lost souls and how does it tamper within my inner awakened disruption, I can never tell. Its something about her that imprisons me in the most elegant and beautiful and yet tempting way. I foretell how my end will be and how I will fall shattered and bashed to the ground, yet I long for that moment and I long for that entity of myself losing control of its sanity. Its like wanting a slow and agonizing death and yet craving it  with absolute content that would just tear the flesh inside out and into my soul bleed powerful poisonous integrity. I desperately linger in the shadows of an embarking and yet disowning perpetual reality. I feel lost and impatient, the cold shakes the insides of me like a hardcore dancing party and yet I feel afraid, sickened and tainted. Those huge scary eyes and that filthy skin, that massacre and that devotion, all of that lies within a single and honest facial expression. Yet, we fall from behind, we fall hard and we fall below. We hold behind our hidden eyes what should be on the outside and what should be visible for the entire world out there. How did we fall unnoticed behind those bards of truths and reality? Can anyone explain those imprisonment cells and how do we fall free behind acres of land? Is it our true reality to fall cowardly behind our own thoughts, afraid to speak out and afraid to conquer what should be ours from the start. We thrive towards what we believe is attainable to our eyes and yet isn’t for our souls. We lie behind what we perceive and yet forget about what has been in front of our eyes the entire time. We mislead our destiny and we mislead our reality, we create a virtual world that only satisfies our eyes and hence we misinterpret every action presented in front of us. It is fear that has been leading the way and it is what life is all about.

All that I am sure of is that I have been seduced without even seduced. I was torn apart by my own mind, the same mind that is now writing this entire thing. It has been my enemy all along, because I have let fear take part of everything that I have believed in, it has shaken my entire knowledge of things, and left me without any and without any self confidence. I have failed to look in the eye, the person that I have devoted myself to without even knowing that I have. I have devoted myself to an absolute stranger who is right now unaware of any feeling or whatsoever that I hold within my ribs. I feel a huge back pain and a heavy heart along with a tormented mind between reality and what has been foreseen behind my eyes as reality. I left all wisdom and departed this land to a place where no one resides but my own thoughts, fear and illusions. I have failed to achieve what I needed to achieve and I have failed to attain all that has been needed for a continuum of my own. Boots, heels and vigorous eyes are what scared me the most, that green jacket and that unholy smile. Where has everything led to? I have made the most awkward and most annoying relation between myself and my own self and yet The main different between myself and my own self, is that the former is my mind and the later is my entire perpetual thoughts.

 

 

 

 

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When you see the white light

DSC_0757We all seem to be fearless had we not yet encountered a life threatening event or had we not faced enough danger that would signal the end of our precious lives. We have lived our lives believing that we are invincible, to the extent that we forgot how valuable our lives are. So for the past couple of days something weird has been happening. I’ve felt this way some while ago, but it was minor and I wasn’t affected by it or it didn’t have enough impact on me, however this time it was different. The way it happened this time, was shocking enough that it forced me to give it some attention.
I was laying down in my bed, and just about to fall asleep. My entire body went numb, my entire limbs felt loose and I couldn’t move a thing. I was frozen in my place and I couldn’t breathe. It felt like an agonizing bad trip in which I was indulged and trapped inside of it. It took about couple of seconds before it went away, but I felt as if I was blacking out or fainting. I wanted to scream and yell but I couldn’t, just when it ended I felt a strong beat inside my heart and just then I knew that my heart had stopped for a couple of seconds. I felt like a machine that was being turned off for a tiny bit and then it restarted. I swear it felt like pressing the restart button on any commercial everyday machine. Was it the end?  This is how I am supposed to leave this town? Just like that, just like a stupid machine who refuses to pursue on living? Was it something inevitable or was it just a casual case of insomnia? I struggled within my mind as I tried to find solutions for this case and how the end seemed closer that it ever seemed. I do not want to die in my bed, because of a heart failure, and I certainly do not want to die wearing nothing but my underpants.  Just then I realized how much life is worthy and how much a person underestimates death. Trust me, there is no freaking white light and there is no return from wherever that is, it just a time where you feel inevitably scared, annoyed and helpless. It is life at the berk of ending and it is no joke. The only feeling I remember, is being helpless and over powered. I believe that life could end just like that, without a single notice or a warning. I believe that this was my warning, and for that I checked a doctor, he assured me that I wont be dying anytime soon and he claimed that it was normal, however I’ll lessen the coffee, the cigarettes and the heartaches for now. So take care of your bodies and don’t overdo things especially caffeine, nicotine and alcohol, else than that enjoy life.

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Eccentric

Shimmering blinding lights

Portray inside a dimmed essence

Proud and proud we stroll

Towards an eccentric certainty

Cold light penetrates our skins

Deep down towards our deepest thoughts

Like a morning demanding crave

for a sip of a mother’s miraculous smile

Years and changes go by

We walk yet more

Inside our own contemplation

of our divine intervention inside

We’ve lost it all and yet we’ve won

It feels like that summer’s down the hill race

It feels like that first summer crush

Like those moon light alcoholic nights

We strive as we stand inside our smiles

We kiss the devoted angel of sin and yet

Feels like the warmth of a family’s care

like the touch of a long lost soul

like the enormous longing for a forests’ charm

like the rasons and the butterflies

like the water flow inside our hearts

like the explosion of a youth’s love

like the infatuation of a childhood teacher

it feels like the past

and it feels like the past

Mistaken

Mistaken beyond layers of gray

Held captive midst a capsule

Imprisoned behind shades of day

Taken frozen and shaken

Molten inside the oblivion

justified by the sins and cries

devoted towards potion and others

Hated among those who fear

bashed and battered by wind and time.

Eats and craves a fixed presence

Still remains echoing mistaken realms

As the man stood still behind the bars

They crippled their souls and walked yet

They shook tearfully and masochistically

And yet they rose from deep mud of blind

carving and withering what has been said

They remained standing behind distorted

realizations of an unrealized society

They walked beneath the earth and sand

They crawled towards obscenity

and they flew towards a dimmed light .